not so much funny ha-ha.....more funny-irritating? (so what's new?)
was waiting for the lift at the ground floor, to go visit the in-laws (as you do)
whilst waiting for said lift, the fun thing to do is to watch the cctv screen on the wall and see if you can spot people picking their noses/spots/teeth/all-of-the-above-but-belonging-to-their-partner...then as the lift arrives on the ground floor, point at the offender with a disgusted expression, and say "wat dak lei!" whilst pointing at them...but I digress...
whilst I was watching the cctv camera, a 20-something woman got into the lift on the 18th floor, and was very well-behaved all the way down to the ground floor...
when the doors opened, I waited for the woman to exit the lift (as NORMAL people should do!) but she didn't...she punched a button and waited for me to enter the lift...
I did this, and then noticed that she had punched the 19th floor button!
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!
for [insert name of deity here]'s sake, there are bloody stairs on both sides of the lift, which are much handier than doing 18 floors down, then 19 floors back up!
hanging is too good for these people!....it's a good kick up the arse they need!
I know it's common practice to hang around waiting 10-15 minutes for a lift so you can go up one floor whilst there are stairs right next to the lifts...it's a Hong Kong thing..
but even the in-laws couldn't believe this piece of fuckwittedness, they are wandering up and down the stairs all the time visiting friends and relatives on the neighbouring floors.
so I just shook my head, and told them it was only going to get worse, now that we have opened the doors to 10 million complete morons (see a much earlier post for an explanation of this number)
all together now... ma na ma na...
Thursday, April 29, 2004
a thousand humble apologies
very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very...oh bollocks to that!
look, I've been busy OK!
now stop glaring at me like that and read my bloody post!
by way of saying thanks to my readers for putting up with me, and my missing posts over the last week or 2, I present all with a gift.
Caveat....you have to use mozilla or firefox to appreciate it (trust me, once you try it, you'll love it!...shit!..I sound like a drug dealer!)
ladies and gentlespoons, and anyone else who is otherwise uncategorised....I present you with the answer to all your surfing irritations!...I give you the Adblock Plugin!
it stops EVERYTHING!...and I really mean everything!...you know those irritating fucking flying windows that annoy the shit out of you whenever you have to use yp.com.hk?....GONE!
and it's as easy as pie to use....the odd right click here, the odd wildcard there, et voila...ne pas de fucking annoying adverts et les ouverts poppes! (excuse the french!)
I think it's the best thing since rice krispies! (and it doesn't go snap crackle or pop!)...gotta love those open source commies!
and now, back to our regular programming...
look, I've been busy OK!
now stop glaring at me like that and read my bloody post!
by way of saying thanks to my readers for putting up with me, and my missing posts over the last week or 2, I present all with a gift.
Caveat....you have to use mozilla or firefox to appreciate it (trust me, once you try it, you'll love it!...shit!..I sound like a drug dealer!)
ladies and gentlespoons, and anyone else who is otherwise uncategorised....I present you with the answer to all your surfing irritations!...I give you the Adblock Plugin!
it stops EVERYTHING!...and I really mean everything!...you know those irritating fucking flying windows that annoy the shit out of you whenever you have to use yp.com.hk?....GONE!
and it's as easy as pie to use....the odd right click here, the odd wildcard there, et voila...ne pas de fucking annoying adverts et les ouverts poppes! (excuse the french!)
I think it's the best thing since rice krispies! (and it doesn't go snap crackle or pop!)...gotta love those open source commies!
and now, back to our regular programming...
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
how many times?
can you say "delay no more" (or the cantonese equivalent which sounds like it) in one minibus journey from wanchai to central?
well I counted 43.
our delightful minibus driver was calling his mates up and basically telling them all to fuck their mother's fried crab for the whole journey, at the top of his voice...
as they say here...mo gah gau!
sorry for the lack of posts, it's been hectic, must do better!
well I counted 43.
our delightful minibus driver was calling his mates up and basically telling them all to fuck their mother's fried crab for the whole journey, at the top of his voice...
as they say here...mo gah gau!
sorry for the lack of posts, it's been hectic, must do better!
Saturday, April 24, 2004
Thursday, April 22, 2004
I hope there are enough hours in the day for this..
yes, I present todays timewaster ...complete with BOOBIES! (possibly NSFW...you've been warned!)
rest assured, the day will evaporate VERY quickly once this is loaded...
have a nice day!
rest assured, the day will evaporate VERY quickly once this is loaded...
have a nice day!
road story
you know what I hate most whilst driving?
no, it's not the arsehole bus drivers who cross 3 lanes at once without looking...neither is it the bmw and merc drivers who insist that they own the road and are entitled to every inch of it (occupied or not!)...and it isn't even the taxi drivers who have got so blase (no accent, sorry) about driving, that they couldn't give a shit about other drivers...
I hate gawpers!
you know who I mean, those twats who slow down to a snails pace in order to have a good look at an accident on the opposite carriageway!...carnage whores!
these people are to HK's roads what thromboses are to humans, they clog up vital arteries, reducing life flow until either it stops altogether, or carries on with a deathly arrythmia before eventually recovering to the correct speed.
these people are undoubtably responsible for the majority of rear-enders on HK's roads, irresponsible wankers with a morbid fascination for accidents "is there any blood?...there must be, it looks like a bad accident!"
one of these days I'll be right behind one of these excuses for a human being when he decides to slow down for a good look....and if my car is old and battered enough, I may just teach him a lesson!
sometimes I really wish I had a direct number for the local drug squad, then I could call them up, give them the registration and road details, and then relax, happy in the knowledge that further up the road ah-twat will be pulled over and subjected to a nice cavity search on the hard shoulder!
it's a jungle out there...(at least it hasn't descended to baseball bats yet!)
no, it's not the arsehole bus drivers who cross 3 lanes at once without looking...neither is it the bmw and merc drivers who insist that they own the road and are entitled to every inch of it (occupied or not!)...and it isn't even the taxi drivers who have got so blase (no accent, sorry) about driving, that they couldn't give a shit about other drivers...
I hate gawpers!
you know who I mean, those twats who slow down to a snails pace in order to have a good look at an accident on the opposite carriageway!...carnage whores!
these people are to HK's roads what thromboses are to humans, they clog up vital arteries, reducing life flow until either it stops altogether, or carries on with a deathly arrythmia before eventually recovering to the correct speed.
these people are undoubtably responsible for the majority of rear-enders on HK's roads, irresponsible wankers with a morbid fascination for accidents "is there any blood?...there must be, it looks like a bad accident!"
one of these days I'll be right behind one of these excuses for a human being when he decides to slow down for a good look....and if my car is old and battered enough, I may just teach him a lesson!
sometimes I really wish I had a direct number for the local drug squad, then I could call them up, give them the registration and road details, and then relax, happy in the knowledge that further up the road ah-twat will be pulled over and subjected to a nice cavity search on the hard shoulder!
it's a jungle out there...(at least it hasn't descended to baseball bats yet!)
fascist wankers!
the people over at google have decided to give everyone a free 1GB email account, as a service to blogger users, they are offering it to US first! (that's, US, not U.S.!)
however, the elitist bastards have decided in their wisdom that opera users are not eligible for their offer..
I got a "we're sorry, but blah blah blah, we're elitist twats who couldn't give a toss about other browsers, no matter how much better they are, we actually want our users to use shitty bug-ridden software that will install spyware onto their systems whenever we send a pop-up ad to a page they are viewing."
so I lost my gig of free space...and I'm certainly not going to use internet exploder so I can access their new email service!...I don't use it any other time, so why the hell should I use it for google mail?
they'll wake up after they get flamed for blocking users of decent browsers...the maybe I'll get my gig of free storage back.
we wait with (un)baited breath
(edit)
so firefox works, I guess I can make do with that, but I really wish they would get their act together and allow opera as well!
however, the elitist bastards have decided in their wisdom that opera users are not eligible for their offer..
I got a "we're sorry, but blah blah blah, we're elitist twats who couldn't give a toss about other browsers, no matter how much better they are, we actually want our users to use shitty bug-ridden software that will install spyware onto their systems whenever we send a pop-up ad to a page they are viewing."
so I lost my gig of free space...and I'm certainly not going to use internet exploder so I can access their new email service!...I don't use it any other time, so why the hell should I use it for google mail?
they'll wake up after they get flamed for blocking users of decent browsers...the maybe I'll get my gig of free storage back.
we wait with (un)baited breath
(edit)
so firefox works, I guess I can make do with that, but I really wish they would get their act together and allow opera as well!
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Sunday, April 18, 2004
a bit of Hong Kong wisdom...
if you live on a high floor, and are wanting to get the lift to the ground floor...
when the lift arrives, if someone else is in the lift and it is travelling in the correct direction, don't assume that they have pressed any of the buttons inside said lift.
I fell prey to this very assumption tonight, and after 2 or 3 minutes of standing in the stationary lift with the doors closed, I glared at the muppet who got in on the higher floor, and pressed the "G" button.
some people just like to spend time standing in lifts, that's the only reason why I can see that this sort of thing happens...
it's a wierd world!
when the lift arrives, if someone else is in the lift and it is travelling in the correct direction, don't assume that they have pressed any of the buttons inside said lift.
I fell prey to this very assumption tonight, and after 2 or 3 minutes of standing in the stationary lift with the doors closed, I glared at the muppet who got in on the higher floor, and pressed the "G" button.
some people just like to spend time standing in lifts, that's the only reason why I can see that this sort of thing happens...
it's a wierd world!
Saturday, April 17, 2004
the power of TV
it's taken a long time...
but I have finally realised something, thanks to the new fancl and california fitness advert..
it's true!, we already knew that california fitness was a rip-off, but now they are confirming this to all and sundry by teaming up with fancl to promote "break n barf" in their new adverts!
anyone who knows anything about fitness would run a mile if they were told this by their fitness club..it seems california fitness want us to do just that!
I encourage you to run!
and don't forget to cancel the credit card payments to california fitness before you do run, otherwise they'll carry on billing you till the day you die!
I wish someone would dismember gigi leung in a horrible hit 'n run accident!...she really is fucking annoying!
but I have finally realised something, thanks to the new fancl and california fitness advert..
it's true!, we already knew that california fitness was a rip-off, but now they are confirming this to all and sundry by teaming up with fancl to promote "break n barf" in their new adverts!
anyone who knows anything about fitness would run a mile if they were told this by their fitness club..it seems california fitness want us to do just that!
I encourage you to run!
and don't forget to cancel the credit card payments to california fitness before you do run, otherwise they'll carry on billing you till the day you die!
I wish someone would dismember gigi leung in a horrible hit 'n run accident!...she really is fucking annoying!
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Easter is over, Christ has risen!
allegedly!
the second coming has landed, he's called Ted
lets hope he gets nailed to a cross by a bunch of rabbit pretty fucking quickly!
eggs for sale!...come and get yer eggs!
what a twat!
(credit for this link to mr thingfish!)
the second coming has landed, he's called Ted
lets hope he gets nailed to a cross by a bunch of rabbit pretty fucking quickly!
eggs for sale!...come and get yer eggs!
what a twat!
(credit for this link to mr thingfish!)
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
more government wastage
If like me, you are an observant type, you may have noticed recently that the government has gone to a lot of trouble to modernise all the pedestrian crossings in the territory.
Gone are the old electro-mechanical devices which used to strike a bit of metal onto the frame of the traffic lights (giving the tick tick sound), now we have all new spanky electronic tick tick devices...a lovely lucrative bit of work for whoever was awarded the project of needlessly replacing the units.
and what of it?..I hear you ask...well, if you look carefully at these new pedestrian thingummy-jigs you will see a yellow control panel on the traffic lights, so anyone wanting to cross can touch said yellow object, and the lights will eventually change.
the only problem is, I'd say 80-90% of these yellow things are dummies. They are installed on computer controlled traffic lights that operate to a specific sequence for junction traffic control.
what a waste of money!...OUR MONEY!
next time you're at a crossing, have a look and see if the yellow controller has a black top that lights up when you touch the yellow bit...most are just all yellow...dummies!
I know for a fact that wanchai is full of dummy units, probably central as well! (not to mention the rest of the territory)
which fuckwit came up with that idea?
taxpayers money, nailed to traffic lights around the territory, for no bloody reason apart from the fact that a bit of yellow looks pretty.
I bet mr li is behind this (he'll be the one raking in the cash from this nice little earner anyway!)
I wonder who he had to bribe to get the contract?
Gone are the old electro-mechanical devices which used to strike a bit of metal onto the frame of the traffic lights (giving the tick tick sound), now we have all new spanky electronic tick tick devices...a lovely lucrative bit of work for whoever was awarded the project of needlessly replacing the units.
and what of it?..I hear you ask...well, if you look carefully at these new pedestrian thingummy-jigs you will see a yellow control panel on the traffic lights, so anyone wanting to cross can touch said yellow object, and the lights will eventually change.
the only problem is, I'd say 80-90% of these yellow things are dummies. They are installed on computer controlled traffic lights that operate to a specific sequence for junction traffic control.
what a waste of money!...OUR MONEY!
next time you're at a crossing, have a look and see if the yellow controller has a black top that lights up when you touch the yellow bit...most are just all yellow...dummies!
I know for a fact that wanchai is full of dummy units, probably central as well! (not to mention the rest of the territory)
which fuckwit came up with that idea?
taxpayers money, nailed to traffic lights around the territory, for no bloody reason apart from the fact that a bit of yellow looks pretty.
I bet mr li is behind this (he'll be the one raking in the cash from this nice little earner anyway!)
I wonder who he had to bribe to get the contract?
today's timewaster
not so much a game, more...well, you can't really describe what it is...
chicken, doing stuff...
and no swearing please, he doesn't like it.
chicken, doing stuff...
and no swearing please, he doesn't like it.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
tate's cairn (revisited)
not only do they play notices in non-english....their signs are biased against red-green colour-blind drivers!!!
have a look, next time u drive through the tunnel....
fascist bastards!...why not do the signs in black and white?....with outlines!..no!..they have to do them in orange and green!..fucking stupid!..but then again...isn't that hong kong in a nutshell?
I'll never suss this place out!..
have a look, next time u drive through the tunnel....
fascist bastards!...why not do the signs in black and white?....with outlines!..no!..they have to do them in orange and green!..fucking stupid!..but then again...isn't that hong kong in a nutshell?
I'll never suss this place out!..
tate's cairn
What the hell is going on with these guys?
the tate's cairn tunnel co...that's who I'm talking about.
you know those announcements they put out over the radio from time to time?...well it seems that after a certain time at night, gweilos don't use the tunnel!
it must be the case, because they don't broadcast in english!...just cantonese, and putonghua.
damn!...I forgot that gweilos don't go out after 10pm, and if they live in the new territories, they're all home by that time anyway...what an anarchist I am!..staying out after curfew!
just another shining example of how hong kong is rotting from the inside outwards!
the tate's cairn tunnel co...that's who I'm talking about.
you know those announcements they put out over the radio from time to time?...well it seems that after a certain time at night, gweilos don't use the tunnel!
it must be the case, because they don't broadcast in english!...just cantonese, and putonghua.
damn!...I forgot that gweilos don't go out after 10pm, and if they live in the new territories, they're all home by that time anyway...what an anarchist I am!..staying out after curfew!
just another shining example of how hong kong is rotting from the inside outwards!
Saturday, April 10, 2004
happy easter
well here we are, celebrating the fact that someone a long time ago got nailed to a cross (and he wasn't called brian!)*
so what do we do to celebrate this occasion?**
we eat chocolate eggs, and bunny rabbits!
of course, we all know it was those nasty fucking rabbits that nailed the guy to the cross in the first place, then they pelted him with eggs to make sure he looked stupid.***
I hate rabbits!...evil bigoted nasty creatures! (I got viciously savaged by one as a child!)
but we can't seem to get rid of them (although we have stopped them from nailing people to crosses!)..we've tried chemicals, biological agents, and hunting, but they are still breeding like...well...rabbits!
when the day comes that mankind can say we have eventually rid ourselves of this scourge, there will be dancing in the streets.
the easter bunny is a popular theme at this time of year, scampering around the house, leaving eggs behind (bet you didn't know rabbits laid eggs...well this one does!)...this is so you'll have something to throw if perchance someone gets nailed to a cross in the vicinity of your home!
so we eat all the eggs to make sure that we don't have any left to throw at people, this means that anyone who is planning to nail someone to a cross will decide otherwise as there aren't any eggs around to throw at the nailee.
and the whole celebration ends culminates tomorrow in easter sunday, the day when the easter bunny realises that there aren't any eggs left to throw, and disappears back into the ether.
wierd things, religious celebrations****
enjoy the time off, and remember...there's always room for one more chocolate egg...in the long run, you're doing someone a big favour by eating them!
* or dennis
** some say that easter is really based on pagan traditions, but this is of course, complete bollocks!
*** it is generally believed that it was the romans, but they were only following orders given by their evil rabbit masters!
**** unless of course, you're a rabbit!
so what do we do to celebrate this occasion?**
we eat chocolate eggs, and bunny rabbits!
of course, we all know it was those nasty fucking rabbits that nailed the guy to the cross in the first place, then they pelted him with eggs to make sure he looked stupid.***
I hate rabbits!...evil bigoted nasty creatures! (I got viciously savaged by one as a child!)
but we can't seem to get rid of them (although we have stopped them from nailing people to crosses!)..we've tried chemicals, biological agents, and hunting, but they are still breeding like...well...rabbits!
when the day comes that mankind can say we have eventually rid ourselves of this scourge, there will be dancing in the streets.
the easter bunny is a popular theme at this time of year, scampering around the house, leaving eggs behind (bet you didn't know rabbits laid eggs...well this one does!)...this is so you'll have something to throw if perchance someone gets nailed to a cross in the vicinity of your home!
so we eat all the eggs to make sure that we don't have any left to throw at people, this means that anyone who is planning to nail someone to a cross will decide otherwise as there aren't any eggs around to throw at the nailee.
and the whole celebration ends culminates tomorrow in easter sunday, the day when the easter bunny realises that there aren't any eggs left to throw, and disappears back into the ether.
wierd things, religious celebrations****
enjoy the time off, and remember...there's always room for one more chocolate egg...in the long run, you're doing someone a big favour by eating them!
* or dennis
** some say that easter is really based on pagan traditions, but this is of course, complete bollocks!
*** it is generally believed that it was the romans, but they were only following orders given by their evil rabbit masters!
**** unless of course, you're a rabbit!
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Spam (reprise)
fucking hell, I hate spam!
it wastes your bandwidth, it wastes your time, and it infuriates you!
I know I've ranted about this before, but I feel it hasn't been covered enough...
recently, a 419 spammer was caught in ireland...one can only hope that the garda put said spammer in the same cell as mr big with a suitably tiny en-suite shower adjoining same cell (and only one bar of soap!)
so why do these wankers persist on their (supposedly) fruitless endeavours to fill our mailboxes with shit on a daily basis?
simple...it costs very nearly nothing to send out a million emails, if from those million emails, you get a 0.1% sales ratio, you've just made a lot of profit (not to mention 999,999 people extremely pissed off with you!)
the economics of spamming are simple...there's a sucker born every second!...and it only takes a handful of fuckwits to make life miserable for the rest of us.
so what do we do about this enduring spam problem?....well lots of intellectuals have sat down and debated this very subject...and the result...we don't know.
sure, some groups have come up with stupid schemes such as charging a "postage" fee for each email sent out (which will NOT work..it's just fucking dumb!...why start charging people for something that is currently free?...plus, charging people doesn't fix the spam problem anyway, you only have to go to your letterbox every morning and see the piles of junk mail that you never asked for to work that out!)
other groups say blacklists are the answer, but the spammers are crafty buggers...they use bogus email addresses to get their shit into your mailbox...if you use blacklists, you just end up creating HUGE lists of bogus email addresses and still get spammed!
whitelists are another option, this involves every email you recieve being immediately deleted unless there is a password in the subject field of the email...a good idea, but what happens if someone wants to send you an email and they don't know your password?...companies relying on emails from strangers (sales etc) could never implement this solution, as the number of people who would have to waste time by trying to find the password in order to send an email is enormous...most would go elsewhere for business.
bayesian filtering is the latest in a long list of spam solutions....but the spammers are getting around this now by deliberately putting in spelling mistakes and typos into their emails, so the bayesian filters can't pick up on the specific words or phrases they were meant to filter for...
IMHO, the best filter for spam, is 2 muppets* at a terminal running in paralell with a bayesian spam filter!
the muppets are wired up to an electric shock machine...every time one of the muppets spots a spam email, the other muppet gets a shock, if neither of them spot a spam email, the message then passes through the bayesian filter, if that spots a spam email, both muppets get a shock.
that should keep the spam to a minimum!
but wait!...what about false positives I hear you say...well...I've thought about that one as well.
if the end user detects a legitimate email that has been marked as spam, both muppets get a bigger shock, ensuring that they remember that said email is a legit one and don't mark it as spam again!
now lets see you corporate IT types implement that!...be sure and let me know if there are any bugs which need ironing out.
the other option is to find out who those twats are who keep buying the crap that spammers advertise, and remove their internet access...for good!
*now refers to disney characters, but I'm actually referring to inhabitants of sesame street...saying that mickey mouse should be referred to as a fucking muppet, as should all those adults who insist on wearing effigies of said rodent about their person.
it wastes your bandwidth, it wastes your time, and it infuriates you!
I know I've ranted about this before, but I feel it hasn't been covered enough...
recently, a 419 spammer was caught in ireland...one can only hope that the garda put said spammer in the same cell as mr big with a suitably tiny en-suite shower adjoining same cell (and only one bar of soap!)
so why do these wankers persist on their (supposedly) fruitless endeavours to fill our mailboxes with shit on a daily basis?
simple...it costs very nearly nothing to send out a million emails, if from those million emails, you get a 0.1% sales ratio, you've just made a lot of profit (not to mention 999,999 people extremely pissed off with you!)
the economics of spamming are simple...there's a sucker born every second!...and it only takes a handful of fuckwits to make life miserable for the rest of us.
so what do we do about this enduring spam problem?....well lots of intellectuals have sat down and debated this very subject...and the result...we don't know.
sure, some groups have come up with stupid schemes such as charging a "postage" fee for each email sent out (which will NOT work..it's just fucking dumb!...why start charging people for something that is currently free?...plus, charging people doesn't fix the spam problem anyway, you only have to go to your letterbox every morning and see the piles of junk mail that you never asked for to work that out!)
other groups say blacklists are the answer, but the spammers are crafty buggers...they use bogus email addresses to get their shit into your mailbox...if you use blacklists, you just end up creating HUGE lists of bogus email addresses and still get spammed!
whitelists are another option, this involves every email you recieve being immediately deleted unless there is a password in the subject field of the email...a good idea, but what happens if someone wants to send you an email and they don't know your password?...companies relying on emails from strangers (sales etc) could never implement this solution, as the number of people who would have to waste time by trying to find the password in order to send an email is enormous...most would go elsewhere for business.
bayesian filtering is the latest in a long list of spam solutions....but the spammers are getting around this now by deliberately putting in spelling mistakes and typos into their emails, so the bayesian filters can't pick up on the specific words or phrases they were meant to filter for...
IMHO, the best filter for spam, is 2 muppets* at a terminal running in paralell with a bayesian spam filter!
the muppets are wired up to an electric shock machine...every time one of the muppets spots a spam email, the other muppet gets a shock, if neither of them spot a spam email, the message then passes through the bayesian filter, if that spots a spam email, both muppets get a shock.
that should keep the spam to a minimum!
but wait!...what about false positives I hear you say...well...I've thought about that one as well.
if the end user detects a legitimate email that has been marked as spam, both muppets get a bigger shock, ensuring that they remember that said email is a legit one and don't mark it as spam again!
now lets see you corporate IT types implement that!...be sure and let me know if there are any bugs which need ironing out.
the other option is to find out who those twats are who keep buying the crap that spammers advertise, and remove their internet access...for good!
*now refers to disney characters, but I'm actually referring to inhabitants of sesame street...saying that mickey mouse should be referred to as a fucking muppet, as should all those adults who insist on wearing effigies of said rodent about their person.
dvd review
I recently sat through the entire series of Taken on dvd.
what a complete waste of fucking time!
starts off very promising, but then eventually descents into trite hollywood cliche-ridden "aren't we americans great" crap!
it's like a long version (a very long version) of independence day, but without will smith.
don't buy it...
I wouldn't even nick it!
what a complete waste of fucking time!
starts off very promising, but then eventually descents into trite hollywood cliche-ridden "aren't we americans great" crap!
it's like a long version (a very long version) of independence day, but without will smith.
don't buy it...
I wouldn't even nick it!
Sunday, April 04, 2004
ching ming
for those of you who don't speak chinese, ching ming translates into english as "lets all go out and set fire to the countryside"
it is a very old tradition, stretching back many years. Everey year, thousands of muppets take to the hills, all wearing the obligatory silly baseball caps and rucksacks jammed with equpiment as if they were off on a 3 day wilderness trial.
The sole purpose for this trek is to set as much of the remaining HK countryside on fire as humanly possible. This is quite a difficult task, as the fascist fire department don't see the tradition in the same way as the general public, and promptly turn up to fight the ensuing blazes.
Most times, the fire department win, and HK's public go home muttering darkly under their collective breath, but sometimes, we have huge hill fires that last for days after, wiping out vast swathes of greenery, and threatening the homes of the infidels who don't carry out these practices (or sometimes ironically, the firestarters homes!)
In recent years, ching ming has been sponsored by the government engineering department, as the resulting black slopes which have been wiped clean of all vegetation, need a concrete covering to stop them from evolving into unstable slopes (naturally!)...thus creating a safer environment for HK's citizens to live in.
so you see, ching ming isn't that bad after all...we get newly concreted slopes thanks to the efforts of all those hard-working muppets who set fire to our hills year after year after year.
we should thank them all....
but I don't feel like it! (I'd rather just let them burn in the fires they create!)
it is a very old tradition, stretching back many years. Everey year, thousands of muppets take to the hills, all wearing the obligatory silly baseball caps and rucksacks jammed with equpiment as if they were off on a 3 day wilderness trial.
The sole purpose for this trek is to set as much of the remaining HK countryside on fire as humanly possible. This is quite a difficult task, as the fascist fire department don't see the tradition in the same way as the general public, and promptly turn up to fight the ensuing blazes.
Most times, the fire department win, and HK's public go home muttering darkly under their collective breath, but sometimes, we have huge hill fires that last for days after, wiping out vast swathes of greenery, and threatening the homes of the infidels who don't carry out these practices (or sometimes ironically, the firestarters homes!)
In recent years, ching ming has been sponsored by the government engineering department, as the resulting black slopes which have been wiped clean of all vegetation, need a concrete covering to stop them from evolving into unstable slopes (naturally!)...thus creating a safer environment for HK's citizens to live in.
so you see, ching ming isn't that bad after all...we get newly concreted slopes thanks to the efforts of all those hard-working muppets who set fire to our hills year after year after year.
we should thank them all....
but I don't feel like it! (I'd rather just let them burn in the fires they create!)
Friday, April 02, 2004
police brutality
after watching the various news sources on the telly, I have to admit that it does look like the cops waded in a bit heavy this morning.
the police spokesman (PPRB...public relations...says it all really!)..say that the police "exercised maximum restraint"....maximum restraint upon whom I wonder?...the students?...the reporters?..it certainly wasn't themselves!
I don't call jamming two fingers up the nose of a protester and then trying to yank his nose off the top of his head "exercising restraint" do you?
but then again, we do live in china now don't we..
how foolish we were to think that we actually had rights after '97, how extremely fucking stupid we were to believe that we actually had press freedom (just look at the SCMP for evidence of this!)
if this was the UK, by 9am bus loads of the protesters mates would have arrived on the scene, and the whole affair would have degenerated into a mass riot by noon...
maybe that's what HK needs now, it would certainly make the government think twice about eroding our freedom.
but as I said before...we're in china now!...deal with it, or fuck off somewhere else! (that seems to be the official party line on the matter)
will there be tanks next?...I don't think so, it's still too much of a political hot potato for that at the moment....maybe tasers though, they are restrained forms of policing that are well known about over the border.
so we should all sit tight, be quiet, and let tung and beijing fuck us all up the arse whenever it feels like it?...well that would certainly be a peacful way to protest!...maybe a liberal smearing of deep-heat around the sphincter just before the next shafting would let them know we don't like it!
I really don't know what's going to happen...but I'll tell you what, the people of HK have only a finite amount of patience, and it's about to run out.
but then again, like I've said before, we are in china now...
the police spokesman (PPRB...public relations...says it all really!)..say that the police "exercised maximum restraint"....maximum restraint upon whom I wonder?...the students?...the reporters?..it certainly wasn't themselves!
I don't call jamming two fingers up the nose of a protester and then trying to yank his nose off the top of his head "exercising restraint" do you?
but then again, we do live in china now don't we..
how foolish we were to think that we actually had rights after '97, how extremely fucking stupid we were to believe that we actually had press freedom (just look at the SCMP for evidence of this!)
if this was the UK, by 9am bus loads of the protesters mates would have arrived on the scene, and the whole affair would have degenerated into a mass riot by noon...
maybe that's what HK needs now, it would certainly make the government think twice about eroding our freedom.
but as I said before...we're in china now!...deal with it, or fuck off somewhere else! (that seems to be the official party line on the matter)
will there be tanks next?...I don't think so, it's still too much of a political hot potato for that at the moment....maybe tasers though, they are restrained forms of policing that are well known about over the border.
so we should all sit tight, be quiet, and let tung and beijing fuck us all up the arse whenever it feels like it?...well that would certainly be a peacful way to protest!...maybe a liberal smearing of deep-heat around the sphincter just before the next shafting would let them know we don't like it!
I really don't know what's going to happen...but I'll tell you what, the people of HK have only a finite amount of patience, and it's about to run out.
but then again, like I've said before, we are in china now...
Thursday, April 01, 2004
well I had to try..
so nobody was fooled..(well it was a bit much to believe wasn't it!)
aah, well...never mind!
how about "C.H.Tung elevated to godlike status after reinterpretation of basic law."
after the CPCCC reinterpreted the basic law today, it has been decided that chunky wah will henceforth be known as "creator of the universe, master of all living beings, and beholder of the holy hand-grenade of antioch"
in a statement issued in beijing today, it was proclaimed that all citizens of Hong Kong should bow down on their knees and worship the new godlike being for the icon that he is.
pundits were at a loss to explain this complete reversal of beijing's traditional anti-religious stance, one was even quoted as saying "it bloody stupid!"
in other news, hell reported the coldest day of the eon today, with temperatures dropping to -273c...canadians living there were heard to remark on it being "a bit nippy"
aah, well...never mind!
how about "C.H.Tung elevated to godlike status after reinterpretation of basic law."
after the CPCCC reinterpreted the basic law today, it has been decided that chunky wah will henceforth be known as "creator of the universe, master of all living beings, and beholder of the holy hand-grenade of antioch"
in a statement issued in beijing today, it was proclaimed that all citizens of Hong Kong should bow down on their knees and worship the new godlike being for the icon that he is.
pundits were at a loss to explain this complete reversal of beijing's traditional anti-religious stance, one was even quoted as saying "it bloody stupid!"
in other news, hell reported the coldest day of the eon today, with temperatures dropping to -273c...canadians living there were heard to remark on it being "a bit nippy"
This just in..
keep an eye out on the TV for this..
C.H Tung to resign!!!
YAY!
apparently he has been given permission to step down from his post with immediate effect, I expect a government statement will be released later today reflecting this.
C.H Tung to resign!!!
YAY!
apparently he has been given permission to step down from his post with immediate effect, I expect a government statement will be released later today reflecting this.
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